Look at the left side of my blog and you'll notice a total makeover for the links section. Of course, the pictures' quality has been lowered to no more than 30kb each, so that you wont take 10 minuts just to load it all.
NO reshoots, and I'm not listening to anyone say "Eh I don't like that pic la..." cos in my opinion this photoes capture your best side. Anyway, you'll notice some links still haven't any photoes with it. This isn't cos I'm bias, but more of because I don't have any of your pictures. I'll try and look around the blogosphere for it, but if you want your link and photo up faster, send me a picture of yourself. No need for editing, since I'll do it myself. Thanks!
For those that are interested in doing the same, here's an example of the source codes.
EDIT: Okay, fine. I won't be an arse. Happy Merdeka, fellow Malaysians...our country has now reached it's 48th birthday, and we're proud to say, even without them Brits, we're still standing =). In fact, we're growing faster than ever. We've got a sattelite up in space, we've got broadband, we've got cable, we've got cyber cafe's, we've got Nuclear Plants, we've got dotA, and best of all my family had sparkling and peanuts to celebrate this very, very, very memorable event.
But think again. Our satellite was BOUGHT from other countries, not made by us. And broadband's bandwith is not from Malaysia either...it's from Hong Kong. And why do we watch cable? Because malaysia's film industries still SUCK. I turn on TV3 once in awhile and all I see is...malay woman eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Then sleep, visit husband at work, and more eating. Oh, plus driving around with Proton Cars too.
As much as we say we're 'free', it sure doesn't seem that way, does it? The luxuries we have, are from other countries. Name me one electronical device in your house that is a Malaysian brand. None.
Vision 2020 doesn't look that good if we're still depending on other countries for goods and stuff like these. We may be 'free' from invaders, but our mind is still controlled by foreign influences. Our local newspapers buy it's International News from Reuters, did you know that? What our contry knows, is based on what is given. We don't FIND OUT or PRODUCE. We buy from people. We don't make.
Then there's the thought about freedom. As much 'rights' as we citizens have, it's sad to say, it isn't much. We're not allowed to questions things like "Why is it that the Bumiputera act is un-confrontable? Isn't the natives of this lan the Ibans and Kadazans, not the Malays?"
If anyone was to question the goverment, they'd probably be locked up for 'going against the country.'
And then there's freedom from tradition. Malaysia has this ideology that "Unlike other countries, WE HAVE MORAL VALUES." Pretty much bullshit in my opinion. Relationships between neighbours are close to zero, and people have no respect for public property as well. While walking, I'd see rubbish here, signboards broken and walls vandalized. In countries like America, these things would be dealth with IMMEDIATELY. But not in dear old Malaysia. Reaction takes like half a year, and the cops are as corrupted as the criminals themselves. Our "boleh-lah" attitude, or "anything goes", is a lump in the arse of our society.
And now, about GENUINE freedom. I'm sure all of you think "Uh. Yay, merdeka. Can I go back to my com now, mom? Badawi's done cheering." That would be because we've never felt oppression, and to have our lives controlled by others, not ourselves. No freedom to decide what is what, or how to do things.
48 years ago, our country was no more a country, but more of a PROPERTY. Imagine being born as another's property. No freedom, and to obey what they do. Why was our ancestors so eager for freedom? Why is it that even without flashy lights that we have these days, or loudspeakers, 48 years ago, when Tunku Abdul Rahman announced our country was free, were the cheers LOUDER then anything we've had ever since. Because they understood, and savoured it. Only those that have not tasted it, can value the true meaning of freedom.
But once again, are we really that free?
I read Jade's blog, and it seems she's so worried about her father finding out she's a Christian, like he'd tear her Bible to shreds if found.
So if a person, even within her family, is not given the freedom of Faith and Believe, what point is there to say we are free? We ALL deserve a right to believe in whatever we want, be it Buddhism, Christianity, Hindu or Islam. I can understand that her father wishes only the best for her in his believe. But ah, that's what it is. HIS believe. She has her own, and he has his.
To say that MY FAITH is true, and pushing, or FORCING it upon others, is a mockery of our so called 'freedom'. Everyone has a right. Jade's father should RESPECT the fact that Jade has a purpose in life, and not go against it(if found).
We hate one another because of our differences. We're afraid that the ways of others would wipe out ours, so we mock one another, by so making us feel more confident of ourselves. But in the end, there will be nothing.
Malaysia is physically freed. But what holds us back is NOT other countries, but ourselves. We need to change, Malaysia.
Happy Merdeka to everyone, black, brown, yellow, tall, short, female, male, young and old.
The clock above the reception counter stroked 1am with a little buzz. I sighed and looked at my cell: 3 messages.‘I heard about Adrian! How’s he!? From: Mom’ ‘OMG. Katie, are you all right? Adrian, is he alright? From: Jeffrey’ ‘I heard about what happened. Pray for the best. Our hope is with you. From: Faith’
I shut my eyes, and didn’t bother replying them. Even I myself could still not register the simple truth. A stubby little nurse brought me a cup of tea, “Drink this.” I shook my head without even looking up at her. I started to get annoyed when she sat down next to me, and felt a hand on my back. “Whether your husband lives or not, I’m sure he doesn’t want to see you this way,” she said in a soft voice. Something about those words cut deep inside. I was being selfish. Mom and my friends were concerned, and if I didn’t tell them, they’d be even more worried.
“He’ll be alright,” she said with a smile, and went back to her duties.
Adrian wasn’t my husband yet, but I decided not to tell her so. Deep in our hearts, we were already soul-mates. I turned my phone back on and slowly typed back. “I’m fine...Adrian wasn’t so lucky. He had no time to dodge the car after pushing me aside. He sacrificed himself for me…” there was so much more I wanted to say, but I just stopped there and pressed send. The lights at the ER door were still lit, meaning his fate had not yet been sealed. I tried to recall back how we first met, hoping it’d sooth my soul and let time pass lest dreadfully…
-there's supposed to be nothing here. but since xiao yu is not very bright, i'll tell. this downwards, is a flashback-
Five o’ clock, and my brother was still not ready. I went upstairs, making as much noise as I could thumping up the staircase, and knocked on his door, “SAM! IF WE’RE NOT AT THE VETS BEFORE IT CLOSES SPIKE’S PROBABLY GONNA DIE!!!” I heard little voices inside, but couldn’t make sure what it was, as it stopped with the sound of a ‘click’. “Coming…” he whined from inside. What was he doing…masturbating? Urg, I’d rather not think about it. His doorknob turned, and a little midget with brown hair walked out. His face had a lot of freckles, and he looked like one of those geeks you’d see in the cartoons, dorky and all. This was my brother. There are times I’d want to kill him, but then I’d also kill for him.
“Spike’s sick. Don’t you care about that dog?” I asked, and shoved him towards the staircase by his back. He shook my hand off, “Not really.” Even though that’s what he said, I’m sure Sam would’ve been the first to cry if his, yes HIS, dog passed away.
Sam helped me lift our Golden Retriever into the back of the car, and shut the doors. I noticed he was trying not to look at Spike’s wound below the belly. We drove to town in our dad’s old Piece of Shit car. I’m not sure how long it’s been since he sat inside it ever since he bought the new Nissan.
We reached the vet’s in apple time, about half an hour before it closed. I nudged Sam who was asleep…
A sharp tap on my shoulder woke me from my flashback. It wasn’t the nurse, but an elderly doctor. Behind him was my family. Dad had no expression in his face. That was his way of showing sadness. Mom had tears in her eyes, and Sam looked like he didn’t care much, leaning against a wall, talking on the phone.
I turned to look at the ER door. The lights were off. How long had I dozed off? Where was Adrian? My mind raced through the worst, and I grabbed hold of the elderly doctor’s coat, “How is he!?”
-end of this chapter-
Got my haircut today. Looks...weird.
Messed around with gel, mou'se, and wax to get this funky hairdo. Look closely at this picutre and you'll realize something.
The candidates are Jonathan, Aaron Teoh, and Sufern. Sigh, sad bunch. But I won't be talking about either of them today. Nope.
The thing I hate most about perhimpunan is the crowds. So many people around me, making me feel insecure. I hate looking at others, because that would make me feel even more spiteful of my own self. Was there a time you walked by yourself in Sunway Pyramid, with, let's say family perhaps. And you see a bunch of people around your age. Don't you feel down? I do. My friends were too busy with themselves during the holidays, which left me all alone.
But most of all, what I hate most about myself, is not the inside, but the outside. Oh, the moody angry temperamental personality I have, THAT I can stand. But no, not the fat chin(yeah thanks nab, you make my life a whole lot fucking happier by reminding me), the hair that doesnt seem to ever stand, making me look like a fucking dork(which i probably am).
And so I guess we've come to the root of why I like being alone. I despise myself. And NO, none of your sappy "no la lai, it's not like that..." will do anything, because only when I'm aware of facts, that I don't make a fucking fool of myself. If I'm happy, and then sooner or later I get looks like "Uh...he shouldn't be like that." So good. If I'm always emiting an aura of negative waves, then at least I wont have people around me to make me feel even worst.
In school. Hah. My class. I seriously want to fit in, but NO. There's this TRIBUNAL between BH, Colin and Ben. Khe chun jamie and the rest treat me like this retard who should be sympathized on. So what do I do? I dont WANT to be alone, but there isn't much of a choice, now, do I?
Oh wei shiung, get me a birthday gift? Huh, where was mine? Here's something interesting: Colin and I shared for Cass's present last year. Cass and I shared for Colin's present this year. Now, how come I didn't get anything? Ha! That's cos im hated. I dont fucking CARE how much the present cost or what it IS. The fact is, Colin gets, Cass gets, so what does that make me? Different? I fucking hate my friends for things like this. It's not about the present. It's about the thought. I TRY to be nice, but sadly, they cant.
And whenit comes down to it, ORGANIZING. Sometimes the only reason I'm ever invited, is because "oh lai...you know how to book the tickets." ITS NOT BECAUSE THEY DONT KNOW HOW TO BOOK FUCKING MOVIE TICKETS! It's because they dont want to be the target of blame when things screw up. People cancelling last minute, people asking me to group up a dotA game and not showing up their fucked up faces for it, leaving everyone angry with me and think of me as this fucking idiot who's temperamental! Temparemental? YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA IF YOU WERE IN MY SHOES, FUCKER!
I'm fucking sick of everyone. Literally. Heat got to me, and I'm sick at home. Hah. Fuck you all.
I KNOW I promised a continuation by tonight...but...ahaha. I was busy with talking with Xiao Yu and helping Derek get dotA on his com, and the sudden urge to dl all the final fantasy songs I could consumed too much of my time.
If you hate blog music, then I suggest you avoid my blog for now. I've decided to enable the autostart just for today, just so I can force FF8-Liberi Fatali into some of your innocent ears =) of course it you LIKE reading, but hate the music, you can always just turn it off. Options at the left side, highest.
Nothing to blog about, cept...first person tomorrow(monday) to say this sentence to me, will be featured on the blog with his/her picture. I'll write a long winded 5 paragraph blog entry about you, you, and all about you.
The sentence: Wei Shiung and Boon Heng sitting on a tree, f-u-c-k-i-n-g.
*if u can even do a cute dance while singing it, i might just kick off the first person and choose you ;)*
*luzzio has the right to reject.
*okok tell u what. Not the first person..but the person who does it best.
I made the biggest mistake of the week. Zakhren, Derek and I were to watch a movie, and it was sorta up to me to decide. I didn't know what movie was good, so I didn't bother checking the papers and just rang up the booking service. I skipped Lord's Of Dogtown, and Herby Reloaded, into Shark Boy!!! I was like, whoa, shark boy...that should be interesting. And once we got to the cinema, that's when I realized...it was Shark Boy and Lava Girl!!!!
OMFG NoOOOOOOoooooooO!!!!!!!! I hated SpyKids(which was also watched by accident)...noOOooooooOOoooooOOoOo fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!
Why is my hand in Willy Wonka style?
We were given, well, SOLD, for 20cents, these 3D glasses. WOW! 3D! -.-
Okay, for those who are blur...this is a KIDDY MOVIE! I made a fucking mistake. We could've watched The Cave, The Maid, or The Something...but noOOoOOOo...I was stupid, and now we gotta watch 1 and a half hours of KIDS ACTING!!!!!!!
The movie sucked so bad I was at the edge of my seat, trying to cover my face. "Omigodomigodicantbeseeninthistheatreomgomgomg!!!"
The plot isn't worth mentioning, but I'll do it anyway.
Max is a kid who's parents are always arguing, and he's always picked on by the other kid's in school (omg the bully scene is so fucking lame. omg! though, it kinda reminds me of Ian Kok back in my primary days). Despite having a father who doesnt work, he owns a 21-inch flat screen computer monitor. Stupid. Uh, yeah, where was I? Besides having a super PC(21inch omg!), his life is miserable.
So, to escape reality, he dreams about the two people above, Shark Boy and Lava Girl. Read my digital text: These-two-people-are-the-lamest-characters-EVER! Ok, though my paedophile side DOES get turned on by Lava Girl at times(she's wearing a latex suit, come on!) I think her acting still sucks, and her line's are lame. "Why Max...why? Max is a good kid, aren't you Max? Max? Maxx?"
And Shark Boy... ... ... ... ... okay i KNOW this is a kiddy movie, BUT HIS ACTING SUCKS! He goes around pretending to have this RAGE..like GRRR and GRR.... I POUND YOU! And does all this acrobatic moves for NO reason whatsoever! His rage and 'coolness' is too overkilled. Bah.
Kk, back to the plot. Everyone is telling Max that his dreams are just, well, DREAMS(cept this little specky girl. paedophile side coming up again*shivers*). But one day, BOOM, shark boy and lava girl bring him to SAVE his IMAGINATION. Sigh...cant it get more suckier?
By the time the movie ended, I was covering my face...while Derek and Zakhren made it worse by keeping on laughing loudly at how crappy it was. Oh gawd...I can't believe the only movie I watched during the holidays is a kiddy movie. The social degration, seriously...
My advice? Don't think this movie is funny. It's predictable, and boring. Very boring. It's a kiddy movie, so if you're not below 10...just give this one a skip.
I'm Shark Boy. Though my name is Shark Boy, I can't breathe underwater. LOL!
While I'm typing this, you're all asleep, tucked in your beds...slumbering away. Derek and I talked all the way into the night, and I guess now that he's asleep, I have some things I wanted to say in this blog but didn't have the time to.
These nights...it's getting harder to sleep. I can't stop thinking about her. I toss and turn, but this thought keeps thumping on my head. She's gone. She's really gone. It's going to be almost a week...and I can still hardly believe it. Whatever hopes I had, has vanished. None.
...I can't sleep.
I miss her so much. We may not talk at all during school hours, but hearing her laugh...or watching from afar... all those make coming to school something to actually look forward to. And the holidays hasn't been very good either. I keep blowing a fuse online via msn, cos I miss my friends so much. I've hardly seen anybody for more than a week now, and I can tell you, I miss my mates.
This holiday sucked.
I don't feel like editing this post to make anything sound interesting, but this post's just for update's sake.
Ah fuck...the continuation for "Through The Window" coming up by Sunday night.
It's been a shitty day, I wanted to blog about how boring my layout is(though good cos it requires less loading), but instead, I'm gonna vent my anger on young children.
I guess it's safe to say now I'm no longer categorized as 'innocent children', but 'teenage delinquent' by people. Nope, no more. No more tolerance from adults for fucked up behaviours like crying for something you want, or fighting. Instead, we're respected members of society, and are expected to behave that way.
Good. Because I hate children.
While dropping by the bakery to grab something at SS19, I'd usually see alot of fat chinese moms with their even fatter sons from Lick Hung. OOoooh...how I have to close my eyes each time they speak in chinese.
"Mama...I want! I want!" in their high pitched little voices that contrast to the fat little bodies which causes them to cant even see their own shoes. And their mommies will ignore them and talk with their other overly maked up friends to compare how perfect their children are, like trophies(possibly the mom with the fattest kid wins). Thank gawd parents of teenagers no longer compare their children. They're too embarrased about them.
Alright, don't take me as a gay paedophile, but once in a while I think those little boys deserve a good punishment from teenagers like me. How so? Well, some one should kidnap those fat little boys, take down their pants, and sodomize or rape their little buts till it's sore and red. Ok, I did NOT just say that.
For one...I was not like them. My family wasn't doing that well financially during my early primary days(much better now, mind you). But it's so frustrating to see how spoilt the kids are these days that I'm worried these are the people who will become the future Prime Ministers of Malaysia(though I doubt it, cos non Malay's are not allowed by the BUuUuMiiIiPuteRaAaA Act to become one).
Do you remember your younger times? Look at yourself back then, and compare them to the children now. Perfect little trophies, like Pokemon, waiting to be battled. Parents caned. Now, it's so different.
Arg. A friend asked me once, "How fast would you want to have children after marriage?" I told him preferrably never, but then again I'd need someone to take care of me when my wife and I are old and frail.
Hmmm...then again I'd prolly love my kid(yes i would) so much I'd want to give them everything in the world. Just hope my wife doesnt grow fat and overly maked up. Nor will my kids grow fat(if they do, i'll just let them miss their meals till their back to normal size again).
Aha, so i guess I understand how the doting parents feels. So I shall take back my first 6 paragraphs and shuv it up the ass =)
On Thursday, your heart's thumping with excitement. Oh shit oh shit! The Holiday's are coming! The holidays are coming! 9 days of sheer orgasmic freedom! So what did I do? I skipped Friday's school and make it a round 10! =)
And for the first few days you'd be running around doing the craziest stuff like biting a blue ribbon and wondering what shit poison you and your buds were pouring down your throats. Well, that's the life of college students, I guess, but not secondary students. Sigh.
I enjoyed my Friday...I enjoyed my Saturday...And I especially enjoyed my 3am chat with Manda on Sunday...but once Monday came...it just got...so...dull...
You KNOW there's school work to do, and you KNOW there's so many things to do out there. But NoOOoooOooo. Nobody can go out.
KC's mom has banned her from going out the entire week cos she's been going out and has to study at home(at least that's what she says. Personally I think it's just her reason to avoid me =p). Fern's having Literature classes the entire week, and asking Cass is a def nono because she's a socialite and the people she mixes with are out of my league. Sigh...Derek's coming to Selangor tomorrow. How am I gonna tell him my friends are all people who put their free time to good use while his cousin is just a laid back lazy jack ass.
Sigh.
Zakwan The Pimp: You want girls? I got Atheletic girl with hot legs, cute girl with tie(for that business fetish) and even import from America!
I suppose if I was a young man in an overseas country, going to pubs and getting laid is something. But...
#1 I don't drink or smoke(most embarrasing scenario being Amanda passing out wine, and when she reached me, she said "hehe...I know you can't drink)
#2 I'm underage
#3 I'm too morally righteous to be doing stuff like that.
#4 I can't drive, and I live with my parents.
*sob*, I wish I was 20 plus. Then again, like the hols, I'd probably be wishing the opposite once I really am...
The holidays are just so stressful!!! There's nothing to do because all my friends are busy!!!
Sigh...I wonder how's she adapting to America...
*p.s.* Cass celebrated her birthday yesterday...sigh. I wanted to follow...but I suppose I wouldn't fit in anyway. Still...I'd hate to think what she'd say if I asked.
I just decided to write this out of nowhere since I can't sleep. Hope you like it. Comments please =) And notify me of any spelling mistakes. No preaching please. *I've inserted a new song for my blog. To enable peaceful reading, I turned off the auto start. If you wanna listen, just click play*
Cooking was something I enjoyed a lot. The smell of soup brewing away, or the feeling of accomplishment every time I finished eating a meal I had prepared with my own hands, these were only a few of the reasons I loved it. But there was just one part I never liked, and that was cutting the meat.
That’s where Adrian comes in. I’d really like to describe how gorgeous he is, blonde, blue eyed... but I suppose you get the picture. Then again, it’s not just about his looks that I find attractive. Heavens, yes, his face was a blessing, but it was his caring heart that I loved the most. We lived together in a little apartment down at LA, and whenever meals were concerned, he wasn’t just the type of a man who would let the girl do all the work. Adrian always came home from work early (he worked as a trainee pediatrician in a clinic which close before 5pm), and as I worked in the kitchen, the sound of the door clicking shut followed by him poking his head out of the side, sniggering “Need some help, hon?” was an everyday pleasure. It didn’t matter whether I answered, because he always would. I was saying about how scared I was of cutting meat. The thought of my knife slicing into something that was once a living thing made me nauseas and I even fainted once when I thought I’d have the courage to try it.
But Adrian was sweet. He’d pry the scallops, chop the chicken, or mince the beef for me away from my eyes. “This is a job for a man,” he’d say to me sweetly, “and we don’t want those beautiful hands tainted with blood now, do we?”
We weren’t married, but he sure made me feel like it.
On one special night, he’d brought back a cold bottle of wine. “To celebrate, Katie!” he gave me a peck on the cheek, and started slicing up the salmon. I blushed for a moment, and realized I had no idea what for. “Celebrate what, Ady?” I asked, not taking my eyes away from the pasta cooking in a pot.
“You know the guy I’m under, Dr. Neil?”
I turned around and grinned, “Yeah, you’ve told me, fat and sweaty, right?” Adrian, like every other human, had a person they disliked at work. And it so happened it was his boss. But he didn’t bring the temper back to work. Instead, like a little kid walking back from school with his friend, he’d joke about them rather rudely.
He laughed, “Yeah, that one. But I don’t think he’s fat and sweaty anymore. Alright fat, yes. But we’ll be nice and take away the sweaty part.” He stopped working on the salmon, and walked slowly towards me. I was still concentrating the pasta before I realized he was breathing down my neck, and his hands around my waist. The next thing I knew, his lips had touched the back of my neck, and I was blushing more than ever.
“Dr. Neil told me in his office today," He said in between pecks on my neck, "I've been promoted." I spun around, and looked into his eyes. We didn’t need words to express the joy both of us had at that moment. Adrian was now a full time pediatrician, and that meant our income was now stable. Well maybe not OUR income, but his. I was happy for him nonetheless. It had been his dream. We kissed for what seemed to be an eternity, before he tore away. “Uh, Katie…”
“Don’t do that…it feels sad when you break a kiss like that…” I told him quietly, getting ready for another plunge into his lips.
“Yeah, sorry about that…” he muffled while we kissed, “but the pasta’s burning.”
************
We laughed a lot that night while eating. It was either because his promotion was such a milestone in our lives, or the wine was making our heads swirl. I suppose the reason was that we were so deeply in love, everything seemed happy, even a ruined pasta dinner which tasted like coffee.
The table wasn’t cleared, and the both of us were in each other’s arms as we tried to locate the bedroom with our lips attached and eyes closed. When we’d finally found it, he unwrapped me like a piece of china, careful and gentle, as if a sudden move would break me apart. I sucked in my stomach so that my breast protruded further, hoping that he’d think, on the outside at least, I was a perfect lover. Adrian slid me down on the bed, and I placed my arms around his neck. He used his knees to slowly pry my legs apart, and the rest… I leave that to your imagination.
On that same night itself, as we lay on the bed, his arms around me, I slumbered peacefully on his shoulder. I could sense he wasn’t asleep yet. Something was on his mind. “What’s wrong, Ady?” I whispered. For a moment, the dark room was convincing that there was no one to reply me, but after a second, he did.
“I didn’t withdraw,” he said. There was a tone of regret in his voice.
Happiness and pain both swept into my heart. I was happy because he was caring enough to feel guilty about invading me like that. Sad, because I was worried he didn’t want to spend the rest of his life with me, and the thought of having a child scared him.
I wanted to tell him it was okay, but no words came out. I was so overcome with emotion that tears streaked down my eyes, and I prayed to God that he didn’t feel those little tears as it leaked onto his shoulder.
But my worries and doubts were wiped away the next second. Slowly lifting me from his shoulder, and sitting up, he looked straight into my eyes. His face was visible from the moonlight shining through the window, and there was something special about it that made me feel as if I’d fallen in love with him all over again. “Marry me, Katie. I love you.” He hugged me tightly, and stroked my hair gently, “I want you to have my babies, I want to grow old with you.” I still could not believe my ears. “At nights, I cry because I’m afraid I’d lose you. And the thought of living life without you, Katie…” he started to cry. Adrian rested his head on my shoulder, and I could feel tears leaking.
It took some effort to wipe away the tears, before I said, “Yes.”
He stopped crying. For a moment, I was not sure what his reaction would be. His head remained at my chest for a few seconds, as if taking time to fully register the words I’d just said. Adrian raised his head slowly, and smiled. Even with tears flowing down my cheeks, I smiled back. We hugged, and as I looked out the window, I realized the moon had never looked so beautiful.
- Luzzio, 23rd August, 2005
Alright, jiwangness aside...
The aircond's making me thirsty. Need...water....*urg*
