The candidates are Jonathan, Aaron Teoh, and Sufern. Sigh, sad bunch. But I won't be talking about either of them today. Nope.
The thing I hate most about perhimpunan is the crowds. So many people around me, making me feel insecure. I hate looking at others, because that would make me feel even more spiteful of my own self. Was there a time you walked by yourself in Sunway Pyramid, with, let's say family perhaps. And you see a bunch of people around your age. Don't you feel down? I do. My friends were too busy with themselves during the holidays, which left me all alone.
But most of all, what I hate most about myself, is not the inside, but the outside. Oh, the moody angry temperamental personality I have, THAT I can stand. But no, not the fat chin(yeah thanks nab, you make my life a whole lot fucking happier by reminding me), the hair that doesnt seem to ever stand, making me look like a fucking dork(which i probably am).
And so I guess we've come to the root of why I like being alone. I despise myself. And NO, none of your sappy "no la lai, it's not like that..." will do anything, because only when I'm aware of facts, that I don't make a fucking fool of myself. If I'm happy, and then sooner or later I get looks like "Uh...he shouldn't be like that." So good. If I'm always emiting an aura of negative waves, then at least I wont have people around me to make me feel even worst.
In school. Hah. My class. I seriously want to fit in, but NO. There's this TRIBUNAL between BH, Colin and Ben. Khe chun jamie and the rest treat me like this retard who should be sympathized on. So what do I do? I dont WANT to be alone, but there isn't much of a choice, now, do I?
Oh wei shiung, get me a birthday gift? Huh, where was mine? Here's something interesting: Colin and I shared for Cass's present last year. Cass and I shared for Colin's present this year. Now, how come I didn't get anything? Ha! That's cos im hated. I dont fucking CARE how much the present cost or what it IS. The fact is, Colin gets, Cass gets, so what does that make me? Different? I fucking hate my friends for things like this. It's not about the present. It's about the thought. I TRY to be nice, but sadly, they cant.
And whenit comes down to it, ORGANIZING. Sometimes the only reason I'm ever invited, is because "oh lai...you know how to book the tickets." ITS NOT BECAUSE THEY DONT KNOW HOW TO BOOK FUCKING MOVIE TICKETS! It's because they dont want to be the target of blame when things screw up. People cancelling last minute, people asking me to group up a dotA game and not showing up their fucked up faces for it, leaving everyone angry with me and think of me as this fucking idiot who's temperamental! Temparemental? YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA IF YOU WERE IN MY SHOES, FUCKER!
I'm fucking sick of everyone. Literally. Heat got to me, and I'm sick at home. Hah. Fuck you all.
